People from Eastern Norway

They say one should always be oneself. Okay. But today I wish I was someone else. Someone from Eastern Norway, for instance.

Someone from Eastern Norway with a firm handshake and unearned self-confidence.

Someone who can say 'hey' and 'fun times' completely without irony.

Someone who doesn't throw up before their first day at work.

Someone who stands up to speak at every occasion, whether it's called for or not.

Someone who can genuinely say 'Ah yes, isn't this cozy' with a straight face.

Someone who finds it perfectly natural to ride an electric scooter.

Someone who handles silence poorly.

Someone who only thinks about death at funerals.

Someone who thinks a smartwatch is just dandy.

Someone who insists that all people are fundamentally good at heart.

Someone who takes the world for granted.

...

But instead, I'm from Western Norway.

A west-coaster with a bad conscience.

Someone who says sorry when other people bump into me.

Someone who skips breakfast and just drinks coffee until lunch.

Someone who puts everything off until the last minute, including important things.

Someone who says 'people from Eastern Norway' when he means people from Oslo and Bærum .

Someone who's always a bit grumpy at parties.

Someone who would never utter something like 'I'm passionately engaged in arts and culture' — even if it's true.

Someone who knows that 'Yes, yes' on the West Coast carries a thousand million meanings for those who listen.

'A view is sometimes better than insight', my grandmother once said.

Yes, yes.

...

This piece was originally published in Klassekampen (a Norwegian daily newspaper) in 2022.